Many poker enthusiasts are getting ready to go for Las Vegas for the 2015 World Series of Poker®. The world’s vice capital is a destination that many will return to, and others will use to finally lose their virginity. It would seem like Las Vegas is some kind of twisted mutant of a metropolis from which it is hard to break free of one’s past and future transgressions. Well, so it’s not that terrible.
I’d like not to use tired phrases here about must-see attractions and picture ops. Of course you should take advantage of the opportunity to visit the Grand Canyon; of course you should pee your pants riding the four rides at the Stratosphere; of course you should pose with the vedettes at the Flamingo; of course you should visit Downtown to experience the spirit of old Las Vegas; and of course you should take a never-ending tour of the casinos lining the Strip and a few that aren’t as central.
You must take this picture with you.
Nevertheless, that’s not all. And I’m not even talking about money here; it’s perfectly safe and you’re not risking anything you don’t want to.
You should leave your biases at home and enjoy Sin City the same way that any other American would. Vegas is like an amusement park to them, and in a way, it is. They take their kids along in order to celebrate whatever they can think of by spending quality time together as a family. Teenagers toting Gucci, Prada, Herm s, Armani? may be found (in this example, at the Flamingo pool) thanks to parents who offer their daughter, for her graduation, a fine pair of boobs and a ticket to Las Vegas to show them off, with them included, of course. In the city with the most legal gambling in the world, you’ll find Herm s and Armani, as well as cheaters, yes cheaters like those of the Ramblas, crossing the catwalk on the strip in search of another shopping mall where to complete their album of postcards of brands by setting fire to daddy’s credit card. Amazing.
The same protagonists are drawn from the same pool.
So if a man approaches you outside the Paris and offers you and three buddies a limousine ride and two drinks at a strip joint for $40 each, negotiate a price of $150 total instead. Absolutely nothing! In less than 10 minutes, the limo will arrive, and in less than 20 minutes, you’ll have enough one dollar notes to dangle $10 from the thong of a young (or not-so-young) North Dakota lady who can balance on the vertical bar with the same ease that Comaneci did in Montreal. The American flag, with its stars and stripes.
Don’t miss it, or you could end up there with the bachelorette party guests who put money in the artist’s thong so she can rub her “breasts” (as Recio would say) in the bride-to-face. be’s That day, the male half of another pair filled the thong of a professional dancer in order to do the same act with the female half of the duo, thus it must be a uniquely American phenomenon. I can’t confirm that they tied the knot, but it’s not out of the question. Everything seems normal there, as far as I can tell.
Gentlemen, may you never go without.
It’s about as out of the ordinary as playing a game of sit-and-go 30 meters from the entrance to the lavatory corridor and suddenly seeing a lot of activity in that direction. Find out that the dealer recently discovered a deceased guy by inquiring with them. Minutes later, the TV-style CSI team arrives, complete with briefcases and bright yellow “Police Line. Do Not Cross” tape (which, in my case, simply disables the Black Jack table where I was playing at the time of the event). Everyone. The most peculiar aspect of the evening at O’Sheas was undoubtedly my victory in the sit.
Although we may not have the “seat of death,” we nevertheless sit at the same table.
No travel book will tell you about the show you can see if you’re out partying and strolling the strip about 3 in the morning. Not to be missed is the sight of young American women returning to their hotels after a day of revelry in Salou, America. You turn a corner and there’s American Teté Delgado, stuffed into the same size of the same golden dress as the previous one and walking with the same panache as the previous one and proud to be as she is; she’s the reincarnation of Naomi Campbell in a golden dress that seems to be her second skin, on dizzying heels, as if she were walking down the very catwalk of the fashion week in Milan. What fantastic people the Americans and Galicians are. Females who do not suffer from any mental health issues. I like. Near the two of them, you’ll inevitably come across fellow moderns strolling as if the pavement was shaped like the climb to the Tourmalet, complete with the risk of severe harm if the wearer doesn’t take off her heels before sitting down on the foot of the bed. A “awful crash” is something you should be able to experience every once in a while.
Also, if the night is still young, sex professionals searching for foreigners with whom to finish the working day may be seen at the entrances of the casinos and even inside, but very quietly since private security is on the watch. Or rather, Europeans, since Americans don’t start moving until 6 a.m., and at that time of day, Las Vegas is empty save for the runners who frequent the city’s streets to sweat off the 25 degrees Fahrenheit heat.
To this, add some time spent at the black jack tables in front of croupiers made up of any number of Play Boy, who are also nice and pleasant while doing their job (WARNING: you haven’t hooked up… she’s just smiling at you because she’s working, don’t forget), or a guy from New Jersey dressed as Michael Jackson, or a woman of indeterminate age dressed as Dolly Parton, both of whom have breasts of the same height and volume (what moments in the missing Imperial) or with a Japanese man who is freezing because of the air conditioning in the casino, but happy to be sitting next to a Spaniard who explains some basic rules of the game so that he gets up and walks around; or with one of four friends from Wisconsin who went to polish in fun the 20,000 USD of profits from their first year of online business together (the other three came later and I can attest that they had spent part of the profits on alcohol).
A last note: if you don’t act like the brightest person in the room and instead follow the example established by the United States government, all of the above will become a reality. To assume that “all the bush is orgasm” is a dangerous fallacy. Any similarity to reality in Las Vegas is purely coincidental.
You may see the “showable” photographs that accompany this piece in our Vive Las Vegas 2011 and Vive Las Vegas 2012 photo galleries. The phrase “What occurs in Vegas stays in Vegas” applies to many more situations.